Graduation: Lessons Learned Along The Way
In preparation for this most recent retreat, Susan described it as the "graduation" for Donna and myself, as it symbolized the completion of our YSD facilitator training. I noticed all sorts of stories around the word, and it's taken me a while to pick them apart.
I noticed that I wasn't FEELING the celebratory, momentous feeling that I thought I usually associated with "graduation". While I absolutely didn't want to bypass this accomplishment, to me personally, I felt less like I was reaching the top of a mountain, and more like I was taking another step in a series of many steps. I felt like, okay yes, I was standing on a landing, but I was looking up at the rest of the beautiful hike ahead of me.
But I am so grateful to Susan for the reminder and the opportunity to view it as a graduation. I was and am grateful to her for the encouragement to stop, take it all in, and celebrate this accomplishment. So in the spirit of celebration, I took some time to turn around and look back at the view behind me, and appreciate how far I've hiked thus far.
Since getting home, I've gone back through my notebooks, and taken some time to reflect. Below are some things that I've learned, in no particular order. I offer them to you with the full understanding that they may not resonate at all, and that 6 months from now, I may come to find that I feel exactly the opposite way š. Regardless, may they be for the benefit of all...
In so many ways, the biggest, deepest, most life-changing realizations aren't necessarily the ones that hit like bricks. Sometimes the most profound moments of clarity have been the ones that I saw softly and quietly. They felt familiar and heartbreaking, because I instantly knew that it had been there within me, in front of me, around me all along.
It's okay to be angry.
Sometimes I'm going to be upset or angry or hurt by other people's actions. That doesn't make them wrong. And it doesn't make me a bad person.
Sometimes people are going to be upset or angry or hurt because of my actions. That doesn't necessarily mean that I was wrong. And it doesn't make them a bad person.
Before every big realization/shift/growth, even as I feel excited and ready, some part of me starts to panic, and tries to escape.
After every big realization/shift/growth, even as I feel light and joyful and free, some part of me is grieving, and some part of me is throwing a tantrum.
After a retreat or an intense stretch of inner work, sometimes the urge to go deeper into my practice and connect with my inner circle is just as strong as the urge to skip meditation, binge a Netflix show, and eat food that might make me feel terrible an hour later. Both options are valid.
Sometimes the most important thing to share is the thing that I can't even fathom somebody else might need to hear. I aim to practice saying the things aloud that feel so innate, so engrained, so true that it might not occur to me that it isn't this way for everyone else.
It's okay to see yourself.
It's okay to feel. It's okay to cry. It actually really helps.
I have never felt more connected to someone than when I was with them in silence for an extended period of time.
It doesn't always get easier but it really does get less uncomfortable. Dare I say, it even starts to feel fun.
You really, really can't rush the process. I'm starting to be able to know what it feels like when there's something for me to see, that I'm not ready to see. Going through these practices is like watching my eyes adjust to the light after coming out of a dark room. It's a little hard to keep my eyes open. I'm not totally sure what I'm looking at. My body gets a little tense. And then gradually, everything comes into focus, my body softens, and, yes, I can see that now.
Iād really love to hear from you. Let me know what comes up for you, or how this resonates with you. ā„ļø
Sending Love Always,
Lucy