Teammates

In a recent newsletter, I talked about using what’s working to help what isn’t. I mentioned that this thought experiment had shown up for me recently in 2 big ways. First, I shared a shift in perspective on how I relate to other women that came while watching the women’s FIFA world cup. Today, I want to share the other recent insight: one on how we relate to our own bodies.

I talk a lot about relationships: how to be conscious within them, how to effectively communicate with another, and overall being in our practice in our relationships. And lately, I notice that I’ve been in many conversations about the body. It seems to be front of mind for many of us, and we even did The Work on the body in our most recent in-person inquiry circle.

To me, these conversations about conscious relating and the conversations about the body are one in the same. I find it so helpful to view my relationship with my body as if it were a relationship with another person - just for the purposes of checking in. If someone else were saying the things about my body that I am currently saying, would I keep them around? Or would I maybe set boundaries for myself about how or when I spend time with them? How would it feel to say the things I say about my body to another person? In my experience, taking my self-talk out of context changes things quite a bit, and this practice helps me soften around trying to control my body.

In a conversation with a friend recently, I had a lightbulb moment that connected these two conversations in a new way for me:

We were talking about long-term relationships and I mentioned that whenever my husband and I are in a disagreement, or having some point of tension, I try to remember that in the grander scheme of things, we’re on the same team. While we may be looking at the situation differently, ultimately, we both want to be happy, healthy, and connected. Even if it’s not true and it’s just a story I’m completely making up, I’m totally okay with that, because it always helps me approach the situation with more openness and curiosity, and less judgment and defensiveness. 

I can’t think of a better piece of relationship advice to map onto the body: what if I viewed myself and my body as ultimately being on the same team? To go even deeper, every part of me - all 5 bodies and beyond - are looking for safety, health, and connection. My body is using all of the information that it has at its disposal to make what it thinks is the best decision to keep me alive and well. And so am I.

My very dear friend just had her first baby and she said that this reminder was her saving grace throughout labor and delivery. It was intense and painful and overall A LOT but she, her body, her energy, her awareness, all parts of her, were working TOGETHER to get each other through it. Each part was making compromises and enduring challenges, but it was all with one common goal: safely delivering her baby.

Of course, this is just a thought to use in inquiry. And it may not resonate with you. If it doesn’t, maybe find another aspect of conscious relating or piece of relationship advice that does, and apply it to the body. See what comes up. I’d love to hear about it.