Burning Clean, Part 2

I wanted to follow up on my newsletter about relationships that burn clean. In it, I wrote about showing up to be “of service”. I realize that people might read “service” and think that means I’m not doing it to get paid, or that “burning clean” can’t include any monetary exchange.

I do get paid! It wouldn’t be honest for me to say that I’m so spiritual or enlightened or awakened that money doesn’t matter to me. It does! Right now, I have a need to make money. I value my time and energy, and I have determined what I believe it to be worth. So when I am offered a job or a project, I request to be compensated for my time. I’m being of service to myself by not sacrificing myself, time, and energy on the “Altar of Goodness”, or in the hopes of getting “credit” or “good marks” from them. And I’m being of service to the other by being clear and honest, and not holding onto any unspoken expectations*.

(*An important note on unspoken expectations: being clear with others about my needs requires that I am clear WITH MYSELF on what my expectations are, which is usually the hard part. In my experience, trouble often comes when someone has an unmet expectation that either they were conscious of and didn’t express, or - more likely - were unconscious of. As always, meditation, self-inquiry, and other mindfulness practices help to cultivate the self-awareness to be able to notice when expectations are lingering under the surface. With time, and practice, it gets easier to notice your needs, to be okay with having them, and to communicate them to others. If you need help distinguishing between needs, wants, and requests, and how to communicate them, you are DEFINITELY not alone. Ask me about Nonviolent Communication, or check out the original source: Marshall Rosenberg’s book.)

When I’m clear and honest about my needs, that means whoever I’m working with can respond honestly, whether or not they and their business can afford to meet my rate. If I ask for what I need, and they cannot meet my request, that doesn’t mean that they don’t also value me, my time, or my energy. I don’t want them to sacrifice themselves on the “Altar of Goodness” either, or for MY goodness or in the name of generosity.

No one needs to be sacrificed! 😆

How they allocate their funds and resources has nothing to do with me. Being of service means honoring my needs, and honoring theirs too. It leaves us both free to move forward and either find a creative solution, or part ways to find a better fit. Honest. No hard feelings. No residue. Clean.

I hope these ideas are helping you in your relationships. As before, I’d love to hear what comes up for you while reading this.

Here’s to clarity and abundance for all of us.